The Book of the Dead.

Look I got up today, yes I ate, really I did.
Look I went to work, and no I'm not sore.

See I made it through the day, I didn't cry much, I didn't take a bunch of pills, or scream in your ear.

See I didn't yell, or create more fear,
now aren't you glad? You can sleep well.

It only took everything I am, and now I have more scars, just sitting here bleeding again, but yes I'm alive, aren't you glad?

Did I make everyone else's day?
Aren't you happy?
Then great!

It only hurts me living this useless existence, suffering all these triggers again.
I am the one in the dark, with a heart torn apart, but hey I'm still breathing, that's all anyone cares about.

So tired, there are no more words.
I am waiting for the ending to this sick story that is mine, hoping this is the last time I'll feel anything,
just falling into the black, detaching myself from everyone and everything, all so I don't feel anything they do to me.

But hey I'm alive, saw another birthday, and I didn't look for your call,
now aren't you glad?

I suppose I love the darkness because I have lived in it for so long. Well perhaps "love" is not quite the right word.
It is silly how many times we say that we love something, but can we really?
Anyway as I was saying;
It is a fondness yes, I am very familiar with living in the dark.
Whether it was closets or my own room, I got use to little or no lights on,
I got use to being quiet,
I got use to hiding,
I got use to being alone.

I don't believe my life will ever be anything else, so much is already final, written and done.
I am quite aware that I won't take my freedom even with the cage door open.
I am broken and have forgotten what joy was within myself as a child.

What is lost now, will not be found again.
There is no such thing as happiness, only chemicals and pretend.
I am holding my own hand, father time doesn't see his own watch.
I am dying a million different ways, I am being born a million more, I see myself making every mistake, many lifetimes flash before my eyes, all while I am looking for the one who will put this animal to sleep.