raileus | Entries tagged with escapism

It is increasingly difficult to ignore the reality
that many people are suffering without
basic necessities like health and dental insurance.

Many are forced to work multiple jobs
at the expense of their well-being,
yet they have no support system to turn to.
There is a deep lack of empathy for the
individuals whose labor contributes to the very
wealth of others,
while those same individuals are left to
struggle in silence.

We are in a crisis,
and it is not acceptable to pretend that
everything is fine.
We need to acknowledge these systemic failures
and address the fact that people are being left behind.

Especially in America who is systemically
the forefront and the image of wealth
and prosperity
and yet their own citizens
cannot find peace or restoration.

⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡ ︶꒷⏝⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡

Does anybody ever do spring cleaning?

I know that I don't.
In fact I never buy anything that I don't need
and I very rarely throw anything out,
I take good care of it because
I can't afford to buy it again.

Last thing that I threw away
that just couldn't be sold or traded with;
was an old tattered rug.
But I try to repurpose things simply because
I don't have that much to begin with,
so I have to make everything that I have last.

The idea of people just throwing away
so many still usable things instead of donating them
for example: books, makes no sense to me.
People will throw away perfectly good clothes,

toys, furniture, and so on, they won't donate it,
they won't give it to neighbors or
somebody else who needs it, they'll just throw it out.

I don't know if that qualifies for spring cleaning
but it just seems weird to me.
The wastefulness that this country has,
and yes I'm going to go on another tangent about
how America is wasteful.
And how I really don't like the way our culture is.
Okay there now I'm done!

But my point is people should really think about reducing,
reusing and repurposing things a little bit more.
I mean you can take a book to prop up a wobbly table.
Carpets can be cut and reshaped and
then glued on other carpets to create
a completely different look.
You can also just throw them in a pet room.

I would just like to see people reuse the things
that they bought a bit more.
That's a lot of money wasted to just ultimately
end up in a landfilled somewhere.
⏝꒷︶⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡ ︶꒷⏝⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡

⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡ ︶꒷⏝⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡
Already lost and found,
nothing you can say will turn this around.
I won't worry about the gates closing that I will never see.
Speak the truth and be nailed to a cross for it, all the while they will claim that I am a believer;
just because I believe in better.

Facing this game of life like a true NPC, no regrets will stay a part of me, the suffering becomes my medicine.

Fear is for them, not for me, I live in true reality.
Better days ahead, I stay hopeful, although it is a hopeful dream that I create, still wishing for better days all the while accepting all this rain.
And pain is my power, it teaches me what I can still overcome.

Love and admiration is for the lonely, I was born alone and I will die alone.
No need for false words and fake pretenses.
Real beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
They show their real faces when it is them at the cross.
Destiny is just a computer program, fate is just the idea of an NPC, true freedom comes with acceptance that you will never truly be free.

⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡ ︶꒷⏝⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡

Current Mood: Focused

⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡ ︶꒷⏝⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡ ︶꒷⏝⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡
(If death is a deliverance, than life is a sacrifice.)

I am weight down by my own shadow as shapes encase my eyes, I am both formless and broken at the same time,
my dreams look like deserts and
my pain is like a fish out of water.

I cannot make myself stay alive;
it would be like asking the sky to fall or the birds to swim,
it would be like asking the children not to laugh
or the mothers not to cry when they lose them.

Impossible the idea; that parents will outlive their children.
Impossible the idea; that my thoughts will outlive me.

And I can look for the days that I will laugh or sing; but I tell you truly I am still looking for them.

Impossible the idea; that my life will be anything more than this;
time spent looking out the window to the places I will never see,
and to a world that I will never be apart of again.

"Let the day perish wherein I was born and the night in which it was said, There is a man child conceived".
Job chapter 3 verses 3.

⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡ ︶꒷⏝⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡ ︶꒷⏝⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡

⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡ ︶꒷⏝⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡
Should I not walk quietly into
that good night?
Into and onto the hands of fate that hold me?
That have held me?

Am I not clay?
Molded by a thing unknown
and it's name kept a mystery?

Should I cry for a bottle now?
as if I was a baby again?
Should I whine about the unfairness?

No I shall not, I will not.
For I have become what I am,
just as life has become what it is.
There is no sense fretting about it now.

But neither will I ignore the suffering
or deny that I am at my end.
Nor ignore other's suffering
or deny that the world is in complete chaos.

We are all fools!
But I tell you truly for however
foolish we are;
it is more foolish that we refuse
to see truth and would rather
live in the lies that we are given.

We glamorize everything,
we romanticize everything,
but when you see the world as it is;
yes I think you would want to go
into that good night.
⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡ ︶꒷⏝⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡
(Title is from the Poem: "Do not go gentle into that good night"
by Dylan Thomas.)

Current Mood: Incoherent

Watch on YouTube

Put on your suit, your tie, and pretend about your life.
Shine your shoes but not your soul, pretend there is control.

Order is your life, but chaos is the certainty, death is too easy but life is too hard.

Close the mirror or cover it, make it smaller until there is nothing left.
An eye to bare witness to the awfulness of humanity,
nothing else can see, nothing else will be.

And you live with the nothingness, no real image or identity, just
the little individuality you have seen as a curse upon the community.
You live in a glass bottle and this is your real suffering.
Your death will be relief but you will never accept the certainty.

I can no longer compare myself to others.
Regardless of our similarities,
I can never be them,
and they will never be me.

I must live my own life,
including my own mistakes
and difficulties,
and accept that I will live
and die exactly as I was meant to.
I can no longer feel regret over who I am;
instead, I must accept the cards I was dealt,
I must make the most of what I have been given.

I will no longer feel guilt for the things that were not my fault
or out of my control.
I have no more time to be wasted on:
"Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda".

This is my life and nobody else's,
for better or worse;
I will not waste any more time feeling sorry for myself.
Whatever challenges come my way,
I intend to face all obstacles with courage
and acceptance.

I have been reflecting on the traditional dichotomy between determinism and free will.
While most perspectives view this as a black-and-white issue,
I find it fascinating to consider a "50/50" middle ground
— a simulated system where a metaphorical coin toss determines whether an action is fated or a product of free will.

This concept could similarly apply to the debate between nature and nurture.
Imagine if every human were born with a six- or seven-digit code that dictates their potential, and that technology eventually allowed us to decode this as early as four years old.

If a system could determine whether a person is destined to be a leader, a criminal, or an average citizen, it would fundamentally shift our expectations of accountability and ourselves.

Until we can distinguish which choices are within our control and which are predetermined, it is difficult to truly change our trajectory.
However, I believe future technology may eventually allow us to understand the brain well enough to read these outcomes before we even begin our lives.

Imagine receiving a book at birth that outlines every possibility you can choose and everything that is already sealed by fate.

Then and only then would we truly be living without fear.

I outstretch my hand asking for assistance,
only to talk to a void of non existence.

I am filled with despair,
my hope no longer knows me,
my eyes are worn and
tired from the pain of needing help
but seeing nothing.

And so I wait for the destruction
or the liberation,
for the peace or the ultimate hell.
Either I find an alternative or
I suffer the consequences.

Current Mood: distressed

What am I?
What have I become?
My despair owns me like a slave.
My hopelessness engulfs me like a disease.

I am drowning in a sea of pain and nothingness.
What help is there?
What options?
When you can barely even afford to exist and being who you are; invites absolute isolation.
What optimism could I possibly possess?

Knowing everyday will be exactly the same!
And my outlook means nothing in the grand scheme of things.
Everyday will continue to be a clouded lackluster mess.

And I with it; a endless downpour of sorrow and sleeplessness.
An endless shade of gray that is tattooed to my being, an endless struggle to survive this life's harshness.
An endless means to leave it.

Current Mood: depressed

⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡ ︶꒷⏝⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡
Unstable, unsettled,
sitting on shifting sands.
Eyes open,
mouth closed to words of understanding,
never knowing where I am.
And they say that death is the great equalizer,
but they have never died while still alive.

My thoughts are racing,
while my pain is aching,
heart is running its own laps.
They say that life is a dance
but I never asked for a tango.
No tangible lesson, rhyme or reason,
just walking on shifting sands,
and my fluidity is my undoing,
a step of unbalance into this black hole of existence.
⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡ ︶꒷⏝⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡

Watch on YouTube

⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡ ︶꒷⏝⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡
I feel like a child looking out a window;
not understanding what I am seeing.

I feel like I have forgotten something,
perhaps a fragment of myself is sleeping behind that mirror.
Walking around but feeling like I am not moving at all.
Everything feels like a dream, even my pain is an illusion.

Feeling time tic away,
while I wonder if I am laughing or crying about it at all.
I am not an angel but I am not a demon either.
I am just a being passing through this eye of a storm of a hellish life.
Existing and then exiting the same way, bleeding through and through.

I feel like a child looking out a window;
not understanding what I am seeing.
Looking out but really looking in.
A space that I can never be apart of again.
And a mirror is appearing calling me to look at it,
the one you will never turn away from again,
the mirror that shows you the eyes of your soul,
the one that shows you yourself.
⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡ ︶꒷⏝⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡

Current Mood: Detached

⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡ ︶꒷⏝⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡
Would you devour my body?
Would you devour my blood?
If I gave you myself,
could I drown in your love?

Would you allow me the dying,
like all the other things of old.
Would you let me rest these tired bones?

And when the darkness comes to claim me,
would you cause a fuss?
Would you tear the world from end to end
to save me from this?

A dark mist,
a shadows kiss,
a lost soul under wishful winds.
Dancing with the pale moonlight,
living but I know I am not right.

When every door is closed,
will you open one for me?
when I take my last breath,
will you meet me in the sea?
⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡ ︶꒷⏝⏝꒷︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡
(Originally written on August 18th 2025, 5:23 pm.)
I didn't want to back post this one, because I like it too much.
So I post it now.)

🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

It's like I've shed my skin,
but I am older than I've ever been.
I watch it all play outside of time,
It's playing like a record on my mind.
An Uno reverse card but I cannot win.

I can count every scene
but I am not apart of the moment.
It's like a dream in a playground
that I've never been,
it's a game I've never played
yet but somehow I know I've seen it.

And it's like the scars that lay underneath,
the scars I possess,
the ones that I see.
Yet somehow they are new to me,
and I become obsessed.

Pain is seated right where it all began,
like new songs playing in my head.
Everything that is lovely comes from the ugly things you regret.
Everything that you learn is after the fact.
There are no happy endings just moments
and endings.
Happiness is a mindset,
and the mindset is always eventual
chemical in its release.

Everything good comes in doses,
and everything that is bad
is just an overdose.
The real sickness is humanity
and how it keeps multiplying its self.
It keeps giving birth to its sicknesses,
it keeps giving kids to the world.
There is no fairness just
families without healthcare,
living on welfare,
better take care because
only death awaits you here.

The American dream:
it's only real when you are asleep.
You'll never climb the ladder,
you'll never see any better.
The reality is just like the movies,
the trailer will always be better.

Live with less because the system tells you
you have to, it is the only
way you can make it through,
you must have less than what you did before,
go ahead and close the door.
We live with artificial dreams
in artificial sleep, artificial friends
with artificial weed.
Living with AI just so we can get by,
play pretend and live the lie.
Gonna find the significance in all the gray,
gonna see the better because
they told you there was a way.

Draw in the lines while you live their lies,
say that we are united
but they don't see us in our lives.
Another one off the bridge,
another one to forget.
I wonder when it will be enough.
Now paint your flag with our blood,
Build a monument in our name,
but forget everything that we say.

I find myself reflecting on the weight of my current thoughts,
wondering if I will always live in my dreams and die in my waking life.
I wish for the kind of sleep I had as a child;
the one where the world simply stops being.

I feel like an echo of my former self.
Even when I finally sleep, I still feel terribly tired.
Insomnia is truly unkind; to feel restless
and weak at the same time is to feel your mind breaking as the world bends around you.
It is no longer an existence,
but simply my body in space and time.
I may be flesh and blood,
but I have stopped feeling it.

It feels as though I am no longer the director,
and the camera is no longer mine.
Life stops being life at these odd angles.

I wanted to share some thoughts I’ve been having lately.
For the past few days, I’ve felt a looming sense of death,
a feeling I describe as "circling the void."

To me, the void is a place of total absence.
It is a dark space where you exist only as a ball of energy,
swimming around in a pool;
without memory, identity, or consciousness.

While there is the possibility of being reincarnated into something else
such as a person, a tree, or a star;
you will lose everything that makes you who you are right now.

Most people seek comfort in the idea of a traditional afterlife
often from traditional religions,
but my own near-death experience has led me to think otherwise.

I see death as a true end to the self.
There is no comfort nor hope there;
it is simply the absence of everything.

Because of this, I truly think all we have is the present.
My point is this: that we must make the most of our time
in the here and now.

For better or worse we should try to find happiness,
try to help others,
and experience every emotion fully,
because once this life ends,
we will never experience it in this way again.

That is what circling the void means to me:
the realization that everything we know;
especially of ourselves will eventually end.

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul,
but mine feel covered by heavy curtains.
I find myself cycling between emptiness
and anger, trapped in what feels like my own personal circle of hell.

I struggle to understand why others can move on from the past while I cannot. Although I have heard that forgiveness is for the benefit of the one who forgives,
I have used all my strength just trying to forgive myself.
The idea of extending that to the long list of others involved feels impossible.

I want to move on, but my pain keeps me stuck, unhealing and unchanged.
Some days it feels as though I am being pulled apart by my own misery.
Even when my mind is elsewhere, my body remains trapped in that space.

Current Mood: Emotionally Flat

Stop drinking, it will only end one way.

Don't get angry over all the things that you can't control.

Forgive yourself daily.

Find Healthy things to do.

You are stronger than you know.

Tomorrow could be better, don't decide what tomorrow will be.

Remember the good things that make you smile.

You control your own happiness and you have all the power.

Accept sadness but don't let it consume you.

Just rest and don't decide while you are unwell.

Just live and don't do anything that will take you away from life.

Watch on YouTube

Was I formed?
Was I something tangible?
Am I real?
Is any of this real?
Am I dreaming?
And is my dream a nightmare?

What can I see?
Smell?
Feel?
What is it that is devouring me?
Am I just a playful toy for a bored God?
What awakens me?
And what will be my eternal sleep?

Should I even ask if it will disturb me?
Should I ignore the shadows that make their home in me?
When this is over, will I question it as I do right now?

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Raileus

DarkPoetryCorner #soundcloud

April 2026

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Page generated Apr. 3rd, 2026 05:52 pm

The Book of the Dead.

A place for the broken. Melancholy writings, poetry and more..

Entries tagged with escapism

Restoration

🧹Spring cleaning 🧹

"NPC"

Pisces out of water ♓🐟

Do not go gentle into that good night"

Rust Cohle Is Still My Hero over 10 Years Later; this is why!

👀👁️ "The mirror for the eye" 👁️👀

♠️♦️Play your hand ♦️♠️

Free Will vs Determinism/ purple pill option.

"In Need"

"Lackluster"

"Fluidity"

"Outside windows and inner mirrors"

Devour, devoid, the sea of nothingness.

🇺🇸The American Dream🇺🇸

Insomnia 💤

Circling the void

My own personal circle of hell

What I would tell myself if I could....

"Question"⁉️....

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April 2026

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