raileus: (Default)
I am not a tree to be planted; in that I cannot stand tall in such stronge winds.

I am not a rain cloud; in that I cannot so easily remove, and release my own heaviness.

I am a complexity; a being that holds a universe within themselves, but so carries all weaknesses within a single shell.

A mind with access to every answer, but the question still alludes them.

Transcend

Feb. 5th, 2025 07:00 pm
raileus: (Default)

I know I have to forgive them, and I am still working on it.
It's not something I believe in.
But I think that's what is holding me here, I have to let go in order for my time to come.
I spent the last couple of days seeking forgiveness from my childhood self, telling them that I am sorry for the things I had to do to survive, and the things I did that hurt them, that they were against.

I held myself as a child in my arms, and we cried together, all the broken pieces were still broken, but there was a weight lifted from me. I forgave myself.

Long story short I both dreamed and foresaw my death.
Not romanticized nor exaggerated, but a very detailed vision for lack of a better word.

I am trying to let go of the things that are binding me to this world.
Mostly my anger and that hate for everything that happened to me, or the things I didn't receive.
And letting myself go emotionally if that makes sense.

Only then can I truly be free from this shell that confines me, and transcend to wherever I am supposed to go.

Limbo

Feb. 5th, 2025 02:25 pm
raileus: (Default)
I am someone else's dream.
I was in the trees, I was apart of the sea, I moved in the wind, I lived on the edge of eagle's wings.

I am the stardust, the morning mist,
The sunlight through the bow.

I am but a shell now, a lowly thing, a single cell working with billions to create this thing that is not me.

I've become darkness, shadows call me.
I feel a pull to somewhere far beyond myself or my understanding.
I only fear pain, but not that which must come to pass.

I celebrate all the times, and all the spaces I can hide in, fall in or slowly die in, be far removed from my own humanity.

Be far removed from the present moment, so far that my nightmares can't find me.

So far that I myself cannot find me.
Far removed from this living state, just dancing in limbo between the land of the living, and the land of the dead.

There are things already written for me, for whatever reason I cannot change it.

I have one foot in life, and the other standing on death's grounds.
I've become everything and nothing at all, my skin cannot hold me, my bones cannot contain me, my real life is in dreams of death.

I am and will be released from my confinement, I am and will be freed from this state of being.

I am and will return to a state; flowing like water, I will be in everything, I will not be bound by shape, no reason they can make.

I myself will know love and death, and then the appointed hour will come, I will know the time, others will not.

On that day, on that night; even I will embrace pain, and accept my fate, then;
I will leave limbo.
raileus: (Default)
Life is a bird's song,
Yet I cry, beg and plead for it to end.
So short this life and its whims, so little its time to sow and reap.
And what rewards await thee?
But pain and misery!

Life so short or long,
So weak or strong,
So plain or lame,
it's lights are on.

Yet death is near,
It's words so sweet,falls in your ear,
There is nothing to fear.

And when you cry and wonder why,
It's death that comes to teach you goodbye

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Raileus

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