raileus: (Default)
I ask not for the light; that my eyes have seen since I was born.

Nor of the darkness; that my soul knows from this cruel world.

But I seek; nothingness, that my weary spirit should finally rest, no longer knowing my coming or my going, my up from my down.

Not a thing should I know, nor shall I be.
And this is the afterlife I seek.

Detachment

Nov. 12th, 2024 03:22 pm
raileus: (Default)


I stand in two places. My shell is here listening, eating, resting, and I am somewhere else, cut off from the world.

I want nothing. Maybe there are things I need, but they are only for this shell.

I try to postpone them as long as I can.

I myself need nothing, want nothing.

I am just a ball of energy drifting from place to place, moving from one space to another.

I am not part of this world. Its colors and tones do not resonate with me.

Its music leaves no lingering taste in my mouth.

I am a ship that has set sail, the end, a cosmic collision, a mystery, an answer to a question yet to be asked, so no one will see it.

私は二つの場所に立っている。私の殻はここで、耳を澄ませ、食べ、休んでいる。そして私はどこか別の場所で、世界から隔絶されている。

私は何も欲しくない。もしかしたら必要なものはあるかもしれないが、それはこの殻のためだけのものだ。

私はできる限りそれを先延ばしにしようとする。

私自身は何も必要とせず、何も欲しくない。

私はただ、場所から場所へと漂い、一つの空間から別の空間へと移動するエネルギーの塊に過ぎない。

私はこの世界の一部ではない。その色彩や音色は、私には響かない。

その音楽は、私の口の中に何の余韻も残さない。

私は出航した船、終わり、宇宙の衝突、謎、そしてまだ問われていない問いへの答え。だから誰もそれを見ることはない。

The Turn

Nov. 11th, 2024 10:28 am
raileus: (Default)


If life is will, I haven't one to speak of. I count my days, hours and minutes. Is it not cruel? Or perhaps sad that I can't find joy?
That I have no desire for life, it holds no meaning for me.
It is as fleeting as the wind, or the sand.
Even I, cannot hold it within my own hands,It is as useless as building a house of sticks in a storm.

Sometimes I can feel it, my soul, but then I feel the bleeding of it.
A fate too damning for me to take.
What did I do? What could I have done to deserve such a destiny?

All these minutes and hours just watching everything grow older and die, as I wait my turn, I look up at the stars that I wish to be apart of once again.
I stand separated, my body a cell, my mind it's prison. I see everything come and go in a blink of an eye.

Absolutely nothing is forever, not love, or dreams, not hope or such emotional things. Everything does and will eventually die.
And so I wait my turn against this hellish sun and this fake sky of happiness, nothing but an illusion.

I wait my turn to return to the stars, from which I will live and die again. Fallen star, aren't we all?

人生が意志であるなら、私には語るほどの意志はありません。私は自分の日、時間、分を数えます。残酷ではないでしょうか。それとも、喜びを見つけられないのは悲しいことでしょうか。
私は人生を望んでいない、人生は私にとって意味がありません。
人生は風や砂のようにはかないものです。
私でさえ、自分の手でそれを保持することはできません。嵐の中で木の家を建てるのと同じくらい役に立たないものです。

時々、魂を感じることができますが、その魂が流血するのを感じます。
私には耐えられないほどの運命です。
私は何をしたのでしょうか。このような運命に値するようなことを、私は何をしたのでしょうか。

すべてのものが年老いて死んでいくのをただ見ながら、自分の番を待ちながら、もう一度参加したい星を見上げます。
私は孤立して立っています。私の体は細胞、私の心は牢獄です。瞬く間にすべてが来ては消えていくのを見ています。

愛も夢も希望も、そのような感情的なものも、永遠に続くものなどありません。すべてはやがて死ぬ。
だから私はこの地獄のような太陽と、幻にすぎないこの偽りの幸福の空に逆らって自分の番を待つ。

私は星々に戻る番を待つ。そこで私はまた生きて死ぬ。落ちた星、私たちは皆そうではないか。

Condition

Sep. 25th, 2024 10:31 pm
raileus: (Default)
Time;
There is always too much,
Or too little,
it is like beauty; we never like what we have.

Life is so fleeting, like drawing in the sand.
Everything has no meaning,
like looking at pictures of words you can't read or understand.

Self; what am I really? But this blood, skin and bones?
What is me; but a mind too sick to cope.
A self is too self important, or a self too damning.

This earthly plane is just suffering, always too hot, or too cold.
I stand the same; always too hungry, thirsty or in pain.

And of the soul, what shall I say?
it matters not.
For the place I go has no walls, nor sky, it is not constructed of the ideas of man. It is not a heaven, but nor it be a hell.
It is a void, a circle, a place where seeds grow.
In a sphere of water I lay out all my fears, and all my memories as I grow smaller still, a seed I was and a seed I will be again.
Plant this tree in a place of peace, or let me be nothing, for nothing is what I seek.

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