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I tend to oscillate from sadness to anger real quickly.
That is if I feel anything at all.

Then there are days where there is just emptiness or numbness, a complete indifference to it all, and those are my good days.

My only comfort besides writing has been my thoughts, however dark.
The thought that my suffering is not forever, that everything comes to an end sooner or later.
The thought I have every night, the one that stays with me; maybe this time when I close my eyes it will finally be over, and I won't open them again.

I just feel like I am waiting on the ending of this book, the final chapter of this absurd drama, the last song in this sick soundtrack that is my life.

Simplicity

Nov. 10th, 2024 12:07 pm
raileus: (Default)
There is a sadness in the simplicity of my life. The realization that there will never be more than there is right now for me, or the knowledge that regardless of my actions or a lack there of, I will simply exist no more, no less. Not a fire or spark, nothing remarkable for the eyes of the soul. Just a tired old shell moving along a footpath.

Season after season, day after day with no reason.
Nothing written in this book, or painted upon its canvas, or placed on its shelf.
Even such objects are utilized more than I am.

Life is a death sentence of meaninglessness, a
facade of color and noise to be mirrored as movement, a fairytale of happiness but nothing is real.

And am I the glass doll?
no simply a pebble of sand, a mustard seed, a grain of rice, a single drop of rain into this ocean.

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Raileus

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