raileus | Entries tagged with dead

Weird episodes of detachment and duality.
It first started about a week ago now, at least that's when I noticed it. Some of which I have wrote here already.
I at first felt like I was in two places at once, like a kind of split, or feeling of a dual self.
I had this feeling of a part of myself that was floating in space, like a kite on a string, the feeling was right in the back of my head physically.
Emotionally I felt myself, or a part of myself as detached from earth or the living world as we understand it. There was a feeling of death, as we understand it, and yet I could still sense myself in that place as something existing just as I am here now.

Then just yesterday
I had that feeling again, yet instead of space or a dead like self, it was a sleeping one.
like I was aware that I was awake but I could feel and see my unconscious mind in an inner picture as a sleeping self in a kind of sleeping buddha pose. I could feel my mind, like there are two halves.

What does all this mean?

Most advise that I keep journaling about it. I haven't really found anything online exactly like this. Anyways so that happened.

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You are now entering "The book of the dead."
A place of melancholy and shadows that will encapsulate your mind.

Relinquish your hope, for you enter the grounds of the lost ones, dispirited and rejected.

Leave your sword and pick up some black roses,

For all is dead, all will die, all will become death again.

𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔦𝔩𝔢𝔫𝔠𝔢 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔤𝔯𝔞𝔳𝔢 𝔦𝔰 𝔪𝔬𝔯𝔢 𝔠𝔬𝔪𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔫𝔬𝔦𝔰𝔢 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔩𝔦𝔳𝔦𝔫𝔤.

(Tags on the sidebar will give you an overview of the content of this journal. Also the archive has much more to offer. NSFW's are labeled and present due to adult language,themes, rants or triggers.)

You can also check out The Random Room for an assortment of smaller writings.
Full access to Journal is by request.

For my Rewrite of TLOU Season 2
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Welcome to: "The Book of The Dead"
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"Death To Death"
Dark my days,
Dark my nights,
Dark my soul has lost its light.

Dark my dreams,
Dark this being,
Dark its heart now lost its sheen.

Into the nothing,
Into the void,
Into the space,
Now what are you looking for?

Death to thoughts,
and death to dreams,
Death to hope for better things.

Death to me, my and I,
Death to self and things of mine,
Death to pain, anger and hate,
Death to death now there is no escape.

Watch on YouTube

(Dream I had.)
I dreamed I went missing, and nobody looked for me. There was a police investigation but after a while my case went into the cold case files.
I was abducted by a serial killer tortured, and killed, buried in the middle of nowhere, where nobody would be looking. Afterwards when I woke up, I felt indifferent to it all, still feeling that way, numb or this sense of "It figures" that's how I'd die.
But it did make me think of (O.G.s) Linkin park's song Leave out all the rest.

Then it got me thinking, there isn't anything I'm leaving behind that's worth anything. And I cannot control how I will be remembered. I do know people myself included tend to think more highly of the person then they actually were.
I think most people have more positive thoughts about that person than negative ones when they're gone.

I think it's because we're afraid of how we will be remembered,and so we remember others in a higher regard than they might have actually deserved.
Not that it would matter to me when I am dead anyway.

Current Mood: Indifferent, numb, it figures.
Current Music: Leave out all the rest by (O.G.s) Linkin park

I sought peace and quiet like a warrior ready to lay down his sword.
Yet I found no peaceful corner not anywhere in the world.
I looked up high, I looked far below,
all I found was lights and noise.

I couldn't rest on mountains, I didn't sleep near wells,
no quiet by the rivers, nor peace in the forest with its bears.

I went to the cities, this of course was worse, even more lights and sounds with too many people walking around.

I went back to the countryside and sat under a tree, the tree was almost golden with its light and sheen.

I said to it: "You are not for me"
but as I walked away,
the tree of life said;"Come to me."
and that is where I stayed.

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The Book of the Dead.

A place for the broken. Melancholy writings, poetry and more..

Entries tagged with dead

Weird episodes of detachment and duality.

"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here"

Dream Journal: Missing .

"The Warrior and The Tree"

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June 2025

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