The Turn

Nov. 11th, 2024 10:28 am
raileus: (Default)


If life is will, I haven't one to speak of. I count my days, hours and minutes. Is it not cruel? Or perhaps sad that I can't find joy?
That I have no desire for life, it holds no meaning for me.
It is as fleeting as the wind, or the sand.
Even I, cannot hold it within my own hands,It is as useless as building a house of sticks in a storm.

Sometimes I can feel it, my soul, but then I feel the bleeding of it.
A fate too damning for me to take.
What did I do? What could I have done to deserve such a destiny?

All these minutes and hours just watching everything grow older and die, as I wait my turn, I look up at the stars that I wish to be apart of once again.
I stand separated, my body a cell, my mind it's prison. I see everything come and go in a blink of an eye.

Absolutely nothing is forever, not love, or dreams, not hope or such emotional things. Everything does and will eventually die.
And so I wait my turn against this hellish sun and this fake sky of happiness, nothing but an illusion.

I wait my turn to return to the stars, from which I will live and die again. Fallen star, aren't we all?

人生が意志であるなら、私には語るほどの意志はありません。私は自分の日、時間、分を数えます。残酷ではないでしょうか。それとも、喜びを見つけられないのは悲しいことでしょうか。
私は人生を望んでいない、人生は私にとって意味がありません。
人生は風や砂のようにはかないものです。
私でさえ、自分の手でそれを保持することはできません。嵐の中で木の家を建てるのと同じくらい役に立たないものです。

時々、魂を感じることができますが、その魂が流血するのを感じます。
私には耐えられないほどの運命です。
私は何をしたのでしょうか。このような運命に値するようなことを、私は何をしたのでしょうか。

すべてのものが年老いて死んでいくのをただ見ながら、自分の番を待ちながら、もう一度参加したい星を見上げます。
私は孤立して立っています。私の体は細胞、私の心は牢獄です。瞬く間にすべてが来ては消えていくのを見ています。

愛も夢も希望も、そのような感情的なものも、永遠に続くものなどありません。すべてはやがて死ぬ。
だから私はこの地獄のような太陽と、幻にすぎないこの偽りの幸福の空に逆らって自分の番を待つ。

私は星々に戻る番を待つ。そこで私はまた生きて死ぬ。落ちた星、私たちは皆そうではないか。
raileus: (Default)
Throw my determination out the window, and my
will into the trash can,
Pick up despair like it's a new pair of shoes,
Wearing my numbness like it's a tattoo, as I swear I can't feel a thing.
No intention of being a thing; for life holds no meaning or reason,
nor do I for my existence.
Really it's just a smoke signal,
It's just a yellow flag,
It's just a SOS to my being,

It is all my dreams living as nightmares in my waking,
walking around like a wind up toy,
somehow left at the toy store.

It is just systematic suffering of this pre-
determined life,
Its minutes, hours and days stand for nothing,
just more scars added to my skin,
just more ways to fall asleep again.

And I don't need anything,
and I don't want anything,
and I don't miss anything,
and that's the point isn't it?,
Can't fix what is born broken,
Can't change what is written in stone.

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Raileus

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