raileus: (Default)

(Dream I had.)
I dreamed I went missing, and nobody looked for me. There was a police investigation but after a while my case went into the cold case files.
I was abducted by a serial killer tortured, and killed, buried in the middle of nowhere, where nobody would be looking. Afterwards when I woke up, I felt indifferent to it all, still feeling that way, numb or this sense of "It figures" that's how I'd die.
But it did make me think of (O.G.s) Linkin park's song Leave out all the rest.

Then it got me thinking, there isn't anything I'm leaving behind that's worth anything. And I cannot control how I will be remembered. I do know people myself included tend to think more highly of the person then they actually were.
I think most people have more positive thoughts about that person than negative ones when they're gone.

I think it's because we're afraid of how we will be remembered,and so we remember others in a higher regard than they might have actually deserved.
Not that it would matter to me when I am dead anyway.
.

Funeral

Oct. 28th, 2024 02:28 pm
raileus: (Default)
I am visited by my own death,
I witness my own funeral,
no one is there.

I see myself, my identity, my being as dead.
The self I know is gone and I am in morning for myself.
The only real friend I had,
The only one really there for me,
the only one to really understand who I am.

I, myself as always.

I sleep now even when awake.
My blood not within me, my thoughts outside of my head, my actions only serve as a means to an end of this physical body.

I am my own enemy now,
I am my own war,
Just seeking to crack this shell,
to break this egg, off the wall, hope I fall.
All the kings men won't put me back together again.

Let this outside match the inside,
for what is dead inside cannot be alive on the outside.
For what is dead on the inside, cannot live life on the outside.

The child will become it's mother,
the dead will only bring more death to the world.

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Raileus

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