raileus: (Default)


Weird episodes of detachment and duality.
It first started about a week ago now, at least that's when I noticed it. Some of which I have wrote here already.
I at first felt like I was in two places at once, like a kind of split, or feeling of a dual self.
I had this feeling of a part of myself that was floating in space, like a kite on a string, the feeling was right in the back of my head physically.
Emotionally I felt myself, or a part of myself as detached from earth or the living world as we understand it. There was a feeling of death, as we understand it, and yet I could still sense myself in that place as something existing just as I am here now.

Then just yesterday
I had that feeling again, yet instead of space or a dead like self, it was a sleeping one.
like I was aware that I was awake but I could feel and see my unconscious mind in an inner picture as a sleeping self in a kind of sleeping buddha pose. I could feel my mind, like there are two halves.

What does all this mean?

Most advise that I keep journaling about it. I haven't really found anything online exactly like this. Anyways so that happened.

My Wake

Sep. 10th, 2024 03:52 pm
raileus: (Default)
The pain pierces me like a poison arrow,
every breath I take it goes through me as my heart pumps away it races into my veins.
And I am pulled down by the weight of it,
I am trapped by its net,
It circles me like an animal to its prey,
I am encased by its all consuming control.

There is a certainty that it won't leave me anymore than the night should cease to exist,
Or the sea dry up,
Or every star fall from the sky.
Yes my pain is tattooed to my being,
An ever present reality that I cannot escape.

It won't be satisfied until it has every inch of my skin,
every drop of my soul,
every thought that I am,
Until I am no longer in control, with no wheel to drive, and all roads dead,
My nightmares become my dreams, and my dreams become my wake.

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Raileus

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